Just a quick update

I had another doctor's appointment on Thursday. Everything is great! After the doctor reviewed the ultrasound, he says that everything is perfect and measuring well. Even my belly measures perfect. The heartbeat was good but it was hard to hear it for longer than a couple seconds, because the baby kept moving. He's a wiggly little thing! Jared was finally able to feel him kick me from the outside this morning! Actually is was the first time we even tried. I didn't think the baby was kicking hard enough for anyone else to feel it. I was wrong....even though Jared only felt a couple light kicks, it was exciting! I'm definately feeling him all the time now. It's good for me because I've been such a worry wart! I have something I can measure now, instead of just waiting for the next appointment and hoping for a heartbeat. 22 weeks and counting!

Our 2nd Anniversary!

My husband and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary yesterday. We have been together for 6 years now, and time has just flown! It's amazing what we have been through in those 6 years, and it's really amazing what has happened in just the 2 years we've been married. 2 days before our wedding, my husband was laid off from his job....what a wedding gift! He immediately got a new job, but it was 3 1/2 hours away. We spent the first few months of our marriage separated all week and just seeing each other on weekends. That was horrible. We finally got the courage to move everyone....even though our home hadn't sold....and lived in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment closer to his job. This apartment was suppose to be for only a few months....that turned into almost a year. We finally moved into a new home and have started the settling process. I can officially say after 2 years, I feel like I'm home, I feel like we are where we should be, and I feel blessed to have the things we have. We have overcome some hardships, and in my opinion have done a pretty good job with it. Most newly married couples don't have to start their lives together by picking up and moving to a place where there is no family and no friends to help out. Honestly, I think our situation has helped us to grow as a family. We've learned to sacrifice a lot for one another and depend on each other....because who else is there?! All I know is , I could not have chosen a better man to be my husband, or to be the father of my children. Our family is currently growing...and we will soon have a new baby boy in the house! We are very excited, and the kids can't wait to have a new baby brother! We are truly a blessed family!

Although we don't get a lot of time to ourselves around here...we were able to go out to dinner, just the 2 of us! We ate way too much, and just talked to one another (without interruption for a change!). It was a wonderful anniversary, the best 2nd anniversary I could ask for! I love you Jared, thanks for everything you do for me!

There's a baby in there!

I just wanted to let everyone know that we had our ultrasound yesterday! Everything was perfect! The baby measured exactly to the day of my original due date! So, my due date is still August 28th. The heartbeat was 141. There was a lot of wiggling and kicking, most of which I couldn't feel! I am feeling quite a bit of movement lately, but not near as much as what's been happening. It was wonderful to see the little hands and feet, even the lips and nose!! I feel relieved that everything is okay and that we've made it this far! I'm also starting to get excited....I was just too nervous to be excited before! Since it was my husband and I's anniversary yesterday....we made the big decision to find out the sex of the baby. Sort of as a present for us! We are having a beautiful baby BOY!!! We are very excited....but we're gonna need some help with names!! I'll post some pictures soon :)

Another Milestone

As of today, I've officially reached another milestone....I'm at the halfway point of pregnancy! 20 weeks, Yay! We haven't had the ultrasound to confirm this, but I'm going with it! I had my 5 year old take some pictures of my belly...he actually did a pretty decent job. My belly is much bigger than it was with my first pregnancy. At this point last time I was still fitting into size 3/5 jeans. It's a little embarrassing to say that I'm already in maternity clothes. I just couldn't do the rubber band button thing anymore. The other sad thing is that most of the maternity clothes that I wore during my last pregnancy, barely fit me, or don't fit me at all. I have one pair of pants that I can wear right now...these are the same pants I wore while 9 months pregnant with Peyton. It's a sad sad thing lol. In reality, most of my "baby belly" is fat. I really eat way too much! Our ultrasound is Tuesday next week! We are very excited and still haven't decided if we are finding out if it's a boy or girl. If we find out, we will share with everyone!

So far so good!

I'm a panicky person by nature, but this new pregnancy has had me nervous from the very beginning. We waited until after our 12 week check up to start telling the majority of family and friends that we are expecting. We didn't want another loss to worry everyone. I have been freaking out constantly. Every ache in my belly could mean a miscarriage in my head! We have been monitored a little closer this time around, and I took progesterone for the first 14 weeks of the pregnancy. I'm not sure if that has helped, but I'm still pregnant! I know the progesterone got us pregnant much faster. We only tried 2 months to get pregnant this time, versus the 13 months it took last time. I really am hoping that the lack of progesterone was the problem! We had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and again at 12 weeks. Both ultrasounds were perfectly normal, the baby measured well. I watched the heart beating and the baby kicking around. My 16 week appointment was yesterday. We didn't do another ultrasound but listened to the heartbeat. 147 beats per minute! It sounded strong. I also think I've been feeling those little first kicks....though they are few and far between at the moment. My belly is starting to get bigger...I had to buy new pants :( I'm not wearing maternity pants yet, but had to get a size bigger. I was a little worried when they told me I hadn't gained weight since my last visit, but my belly is getting bigger obviously, so the baby is growing. I'm also eating plenty of food.....just ask my hubby! I have my next ultrasound in 4 weeks, and I really can't wait to see the little booger again! I just want to see the baby and know that everything is okay. I have had a little bit of difficulty getting excited about this pregnancy...mostly because I'm waiting for the worst to happen. I guess I'm just trying to prepare myself if it doesn't work out. I haven't bought one thing for our new little one, chances are I'm going to be totally unprepared for this baby! I figure I'll start some shopping after the 20 week check up/ultrasound. That should give me enough time, I hope! I will be 17 weeks tomorrow....it's amazing how the time has flown! As far as how I feel goes....it totally depends on the day. The progesterone made me really dizzy and tired, but now that that's done and I actually feel sicker. I'm still very tired but have a hard time sleeping at night. I have good days and bad days, but I'm hoping that part will end soon. I really do want to enjoy my pregnancy...especially since this may be the last one! I will post some ultrasound pics soon.

"I was just trying to help!"

Is it possible to love your child and be sooooo incredibly mad at them at the same time? Yes, I'd have to say it is possible....and it's even possible to try and stay calm, when you really just want to explode with anger. I got a little test the other day, when Caile decided she was going to "help" with laundry.


There were some random things on the laundry room floor. A few whites, a sheet, a couple darks, some pinks and reds, and some bright red place mats that I purposely hadn't washed yet. Though Caile has helped me separate the clothes before, she's never run the washing machine. I've never even shown her how to run our new one. I prefer to do the laundry....because of all the mistakes that can be made. My husband does a load or two now and then, but he couldn't even tell you what needs to be washed in cold or what should never go in the dryer. I just do it myself....and if they run out of socks, they just have to wait until I get around to doing laundry.


Anyway, on this wonderful day, Caile took it upon herself to start a load of laundry. Since the laundry room is right next door to her room, I didn't even notice. It wasn't until a friend of Caile's informed me that I had pink socks, that I realized someone had done a load. My first question was, "who did laundry?" Honestly I was about to blame my husband. I never thought in a million years that one of the kids started a load. Then Caile confessed. I asked what she washed with the socks that was red. She answered the typical "I don't know." I asked her to pull everything out of the washer and put it in a basket. Before I got up the stairs to see what was in the basket, she showed me the red place mats that had been washed with the whites...and every other thing that was in the laundry room. As you can imagine I probably looked like I was about to explode. I immediately asked what temperature she washed the clothes at....and of course she didn't know. The place mats are suppose to be washed separately in cold water...thankfully they hadn't made their way to the drier. As I was trying to figure out what to do with all of the ruined clothes, Caile said, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to help." How can you be mad after that? It's amazing what an apology can do. I let her go out and play, separated the whites, that were now pink and threw them back in the washer. I guess I was hoping that after a wash with bleach, there might be an improvement. Of course after 3 washes and no real change, I gave up. I got the clothes loaded and pulled out the drawer for the detergent. I'm sure steam was coming out of my ears when I realized she had put detergent in the fabric softener spot. The detergent was caked in and wet. I spent about 30 minutes scraping it out with a spoon, then eventually pulling the whole thing apart and cleaning it out. I mentioned this part to Caile later when I had calmed down a bit. All in all, Caile learned her lesson, and I learned that I can be more understanding and forgiving than I imagined. The boys are going to need some new socks and underwear....because they refuse to wear the pink ones. I'm sure we'll laugh about it later!



Just a sample of our beautiful pink whites....


The culprit red placemats....they survived the ordeal

February 5th

Yesterday was Febrauary 5th. That was the due date of the child we miscarried a few months back. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but how is it possible not to at least think about it? I would have had a new baby by now. I think the due date will always serve as a reminder of our little angel baby. Miscarriage is a very hard experience to go through. I never imagined it would be as difficult as it actually is. People just don't talk about it I guess. After our loss, it took about a month for me to move on and start feeling like my self again. It isn't something that you just forget about though. That child was a part of us...if even for only a few short months.


This is the only picture we have of our little angel. We had the ultrasound just a few days before our miscarriage. In this picture everything seems great. I know it's hard to see, but you can see
the little head and spine and even the arms and legs.

I found this poem shortly after we lost our baby. I wrote a blog on myspace and attached this to it. It really describes the true feelings someone goes through when they lose a child....even one they haven't met.

OUR BABY

An empty space where life once stirred
My eyes were not yet seeing
Where once my heartbeat shared a tone
with a small and fragile being
So scarcely formed yet still a life
A dream, a hope, a promise
Our plans were changed to now include
This new life thrust upon us
Then just as quickly as it came
Our dreams were gone away
The deepest pain I've ever felt
Our baby died today
With footprints left upon our hearts
She gently took her leave
We're left with nothing but regret
And only time to grieve
There was no service to be held
No mourning time required
No songs of longing and despair
No words to be inspired
We're simply told to bare the pain
"It's nature's way" they say
I can't forget our baby moved
inside me yesterday
And with each word of sorrow
my teardrops fall like rain
The anger and resentment
are mixed with guilt and pain
I look to heaven for a sign
to help search out a course
Where love can teach acceptance
and eliminate remorse
My body will accept the truth
that now our baby's gone
But in our hearts our Angel
everlastingly lives on!

~Teri M. Stuckmann