"I was just trying to help!"

Is it possible to love your child and be sooooo incredibly mad at them at the same time? Yes, I'd have to say it is possible....and it's even possible to try and stay calm, when you really just want to explode with anger. I got a little test the other day, when Caile decided she was going to "help" with laundry.


There were some random things on the laundry room floor. A few whites, a sheet, a couple darks, some pinks and reds, and some bright red place mats that I purposely hadn't washed yet. Though Caile has helped me separate the clothes before, she's never run the washing machine. I've never even shown her how to run our new one. I prefer to do the laundry....because of all the mistakes that can be made. My husband does a load or two now and then, but he couldn't even tell you what needs to be washed in cold or what should never go in the dryer. I just do it myself....and if they run out of socks, they just have to wait until I get around to doing laundry.


Anyway, on this wonderful day, Caile took it upon herself to start a load of laundry. Since the laundry room is right next door to her room, I didn't even notice. It wasn't until a friend of Caile's informed me that I had pink socks, that I realized someone had done a load. My first question was, "who did laundry?" Honestly I was about to blame my husband. I never thought in a million years that one of the kids started a load. Then Caile confessed. I asked what she washed with the socks that was red. She answered the typical "I don't know." I asked her to pull everything out of the washer and put it in a basket. Before I got up the stairs to see what was in the basket, she showed me the red place mats that had been washed with the whites...and every other thing that was in the laundry room. As you can imagine I probably looked like I was about to explode. I immediately asked what temperature she washed the clothes at....and of course she didn't know. The place mats are suppose to be washed separately in cold water...thankfully they hadn't made their way to the drier. As I was trying to figure out what to do with all of the ruined clothes, Caile said, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to help." How can you be mad after that? It's amazing what an apology can do. I let her go out and play, separated the whites, that were now pink and threw them back in the washer. I guess I was hoping that after a wash with bleach, there might be an improvement. Of course after 3 washes and no real change, I gave up. I got the clothes loaded and pulled out the drawer for the detergent. I'm sure steam was coming out of my ears when I realized she had put detergent in the fabric softener spot. The detergent was caked in and wet. I spent about 30 minutes scraping it out with a spoon, then eventually pulling the whole thing apart and cleaning it out. I mentioned this part to Caile later when I had calmed down a bit. All in all, Caile learned her lesson, and I learned that I can be more understanding and forgiving than I imagined. The boys are going to need some new socks and underwear....because they refuse to wear the pink ones. I'm sure we'll laugh about it later!



Just a sample of our beautiful pink whites....


The culprit red placemats....they survived the ordeal

February 5th

Yesterday was Febrauary 5th. That was the due date of the child we miscarried a few months back. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but how is it possible not to at least think about it? I would have had a new baby by now. I think the due date will always serve as a reminder of our little angel baby. Miscarriage is a very hard experience to go through. I never imagined it would be as difficult as it actually is. People just don't talk about it I guess. After our loss, it took about a month for me to move on and start feeling like my self again. It isn't something that you just forget about though. That child was a part of us...if even for only a few short months.


This is the only picture we have of our little angel. We had the ultrasound just a few days before our miscarriage. In this picture everything seems great. I know it's hard to see, but you can see
the little head and spine and even the arms and legs.

I found this poem shortly after we lost our baby. I wrote a blog on myspace and attached this to it. It really describes the true feelings someone goes through when they lose a child....even one they haven't met.

OUR BABY

An empty space where life once stirred
My eyes were not yet seeing
Where once my heartbeat shared a tone
with a small and fragile being
So scarcely formed yet still a life
A dream, a hope, a promise
Our plans were changed to now include
This new life thrust upon us
Then just as quickly as it came
Our dreams were gone away
The deepest pain I've ever felt
Our baby died today
With footprints left upon our hearts
She gently took her leave
We're left with nothing but regret
And only time to grieve
There was no service to be held
No mourning time required
No songs of longing and despair
No words to be inspired
We're simply told to bare the pain
"It's nature's way" they say
I can't forget our baby moved
inside me yesterday
And with each word of sorrow
my teardrops fall like rain
The anger and resentment
are mixed with guilt and pain
I look to heaven for a sign
to help search out a course
Where love can teach acceptance
and eliminate remorse
My body will accept the truth
that now our baby's gone
But in our hearts our Angel
everlastingly lives on!

~Teri M. Stuckmann

Happy Birthday Peyton!

Our baby...well I guess he's not a baby....turned 5 on January 15th! It seems like just yesterday that he was a brand new baby, or a little toddler finding his way around the house. Now he is finding his independence and growing up. He is incredibly proud to be so big. He talks about his big muscles and how smart he is. For example, he got the juice out of the refrigerator the other day, and poured himself a cup. When I saw the juice out, I asked him if he poured it himself. He said, "yeah, are you so proud of me? I'm so big now, cuz I'm 5!" It's amazing the mental changes that go through a child when they think they are suddenly older. We won't go into the whole "you are only a day older than you were yesterday" thing! He thinks his birthday made him a big boy, and we are going to let him believe that! Of course he's still his cuddly old self, and is still a Mama's boy (which makes me happy)! He's an amazing little man. We love you sooooo much Peyton!

Peyton in January, 2004. Only 5 hours old, and already loved so much!

Peyton had an incredible birthday. We had our smaller family party on his birthday, and had a slightly bigger party at our house the following Saturday with his friends. He was more than happy to have 2 birthday parties. He was like, "It's my birthday again!" We had just a few friends from the neighborhood over, ate some pizza, opened presents, played a few games and had cake and ice cream. It was a dream party for a 5 year old. It really was a lot of fun! One really funny part was watching Jared play duck duck goose with the kids. Let's just say he had a much harder time getting off the floor than those little guys! (haha, sorry Jared!)



Limbo




Musical chairs





The infamous duck, duck, goose




Present opening




Peyton with his brand new bed set...and his juice mustache!

Yep I'm 28

A couple of weeks ago I turned 28. Yes, 28, and I hope some people are keeping track because after 30, I'm done aging! I will simply stop and be 30 forever! We didn't do a lot for my birthday, but we did go to dinner and opened a couple gifts. As a Mom birthdays are much different than they are as a kid...and I kind of messed everything up by having my baby the day after my birthday! I spend most of my day trying to get everything ready for my son's big day. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the slightest bit disappointed on my birthday. I had a wonderful time with my family, and that is what matters to me the most! It was sort of a reflective kind of birthday for me. I just got to thinking about how much my life has changed in the last 10 years. A measly 10 years!

In the last 10 years:

1. I graduated from high school, and college.

2. I moved to Utah, and have moved 5 times since then.

3. I changed from party girl, to homebody!

4. I married the love of my life.

5. I received my CNA certificate, then my RN license (after a lot of hard work).

6. We've bought 3 different homes (all of which we still own).

7. I had a beautiful baby boy, and gained two more wonderful kids.

8. I've grown as a person, inside and out.

9. I've learned that growing up wasn't all it was cracked up to be....and that it has turned out better than I planned.

10. I came to an understanding that deep down I'll always be that little girl with big dreams!

Letting go of 2008

I like to send out a newsletter with my Christmas card, but this year, I didn't have the time, the patience or the energy to even get a card out, let alone a newsletter. Since we are already a month into 2009, I guess it's a good time to go over how 2008 was for us as a family. This isn't going to be near as cheerful or as inventive as I could have or would have done. Last year I wrote "The Night Before Christmas" story about our family. Yep, not this year. Just an overview this time!


What a year! Yep that sums it up. There were good and bad things for us this last year, but for some reason, the bad always stick out first. We lost a few very dear family members and friends this last year. It gets really hard, especially close to the holidays. We also suffered a miscarriage in July. This really took its toll on our family for a couple months, but we managed through it. Our experience did come in handy when Catrina's sister Tabytha miscarried only 4 months later. We were able to help out in an emotional sense. The other hard part of this last year has been the upsets on selling our home in Enoch. We finally took it off of the market a few months ago, in hopes that we could refinance to get a lower payment every month. The house has to be off the market for a while, or this won't happen. We are kind of stuck. Our options now are selling for less than we owe, or renting the property out. We are debating the pros and cons of both and will hopefully have a plan soon. Paying 3 mortgages every month wasn't our plan, and we wouldn't recommend it! Anyone want to buy a house?!

On a good note! We have done very well during the last year. How many people could say that they are making 3 house payments and still have food to feed their 3 kids? We are making it happen, and we know how blessed we are to be able to do this! We were able to buy a beautiful new home this last May! We live in a smaller area, in a good neighborhood. The kids are close to their school and have made many new friends. It's a longer drive to work for us, but it's worth it. Just being out of that tiny 2 bedroom apartment makes life so much easier. We finally have room to breathe! The kids are growing like weeds. We are reminded on a daily basis how lucky we are to have beautiful, healthy and happy children in our lives.

Jared has had quite the year! He's been working 3 jobs regularly. Two of these jobs he actually gets paid for....and the other is a work in progress! He and a couple friends started their own business and have been working feverishly into the wee hours of the morning to get things done. We will hopefully see a return on his time investment in the future. Besides all the work, Jared is currently an assistant boy scout leader. Of course he loves this! He loves anything that involves being a man and doing manly type things! He spends a lot of time at the kids' sports practices and games. He got very involved in helping coach Josh's football team in the fall. On top of all of that, he's a wonderful husband and father. He does his best to be at home when we need him to be.

Catrina is still working at the hospital...doing the nurse thing! She is still part time and is glad for that. She has spent a lot of time at home going through boxes and trying to help the family get settled. This has taken a lot of effort, considering we've had some boxes in storage for the last 4 years. One day she plans to put some pictures up on her walls! She has kept herself busy being a mom when at home. Making sure people are fed, helping with homework, and keeping the house picked up. Sounds a little boring....but really, it's more than enough work.

Josh has had a blast this year trying out new sports and meeting new friends. He found out that he has a love for football and can't wait for it to start again in the fall. He is currently in basketball and liking that too. He has really enjoyed scouts and recently had the chance to go ice fishing! It was so much fun for him. He is doing well in school and has an amazing teacher this year!

Caile had a great year. She played soccer in the fall and found out that she is great at defense! She has done very well in school and is making good friends. Of course there is always that 5th grade girl drama that we get to hear all about! She has been reading a lot, writing stories of her own, and drawing pictures. Maybe we have a writer or artist on our hands?! She is always so willing to help out at home, and does it with a smile!

Peyton is growing so fast...it's hard to believe he's the baby of the family! He had the chance to play soccer this year too. Even though he got bored easily, and never really quite understood the rules, he was so fun to watch! He's been in the preschool program at his daycare, and goes twice a week. He is learning so much! He is unbelievably smart and we sometimes wonder how he knows the things he knows. I guess kids pick up on more than we give them credit for! He still loves his trains and trucks and just being a boy.

We are praying for a great 2009. We know that even with all the disappointments over the last year, we are a blessed family. We couldn't ask for more than we have right now.

Wishing a wonderful 2009 for all of our family and friends!

Love,
The Egbert Family

Christmas 2008

Since my husband works all the time, and I've pretty much decided that I may never get our Christmas pictures off of his computer; I thought I'd write a little about how our Christmas was. Maybe down the road I'll add a picture or two!

So our Christmas was extraordinary this year. It was so calm and relaxing (not words I normally use to describe Christmas). Frankly, I loved it! The kids got waaaaayyy too many gifts, despite our efforts to "downsize" this year. Things didn't really work out as planned. It's really super hard to not give your kids every possible thing you can give to them. I think one of the problems was that we forgot about a couple gifts, and realized how much they were actually getting as we wrapped everything on Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning was wonderful...we all slept in! So, we made our way down to the Christmas tree around 9 a.m. I was afraid of that 5 a.m. wake up call, so sleeping until 9 was heaven! We opened gifts....which was fun and exciting. The best part of Christmas is watching the faces of your loved ones when they receive something they've been hoping for. We had a wonderful breakfast made by my great husband and played with some toys. Then we took a nap! How incredibly fantastic! To have a nap on Christmas day....there was no one at our house to entertain, and we weren't somewhere that we would feel uncomfortable taking a nap. After some refreshing sleep, we played games, got dinner started, then we all went out to sled. (Thank you Paul and Sara for the new sled, we used it well!) As many of you know, we got plenty of snow on Christmas day...it was a beautiful white Christmas. I guess it was the perfect day for sledding (or sitting inside drinking hot chocolate). We had a couple fun filled hours of sliding down a gigantic hill, in the perfect weather. Peyton had the privilege of being hit by an out of control sled. He flew in the air, did a flip and landed face first in the snow. He survived, thankfully, and only cried for a minute or two. Other than that we avoided accidents! When it got too dark, we headed home and had a wonderful dinner. No pressure getting everything done in time...we just got it done and ate. No turkey this year, just ham. I think it saved us a lot of time and hassle....not to mention, it was delicious! We played some more games as a family, and probably stayed up way too late. It was such a wonderful day to just be a family and enjoy each other. We realize how blessed we are, and we are truly thankful for Jesus who gave us such a wonderful day to celebrate.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve was great this year. Usually we are frantically trying to get to someone else's house, and I guess we just get plain overwhelmed with the chaos of family. Don't get me wrong....we love our families and we love spending time with them! It was just a nice break, or I guess just a good change to be at home this year. Just our little family. We could bond and enjoy each other and the holiday, without all the distractions. We were able to bake cookies for Santa. Of course we cheated and used the breakable, ready to cook kind! We opened our traditional Christmas Eve PJs. We played a board game as a family. The kids went to sleep relatively early (so nice), while Jared and I stayed up to wrap presents. It was probably the most calm Christmas Eve I've ever had. I loved every minute of that time we spent together. The whole experience made Christmas Day that much more special for us.

Baking cookies was fun....even though we cheated. The kids don't really care anyway. The best part is putting the cookies on the pan! Actually the best part is getting to taste them when they are done. We wouldn't want Santa to eat bad cookies!

The Pajama opening.....it's an exciting time! Please ignore the stupid faces! Apparently the parents don't take this too seriously :)

Caile loves her new pajamas, especially her flip flop fuzzy slippers!

Peyton just loved the fact that he got to open a present before Christmas....but he was pretty impressed with the Incredible Hulk PJs and slippers!

We thought Josh was enjoying himself....
and he really seemed to like the pajamas. Somehow he still looks like the exorcist in his picture.

The 3 little cuties dressed and ready for bed. They are waaaayyyy too excited for Santa!

The cookies, milk and reindeer food are all ready!

The stockings are hung and waiting to be filled......