February 5th

Yesterday was Febrauary 5th. That was the due date of the child we miscarried a few months back. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but how is it possible not to at least think about it? I would have had a new baby by now. I think the due date will always serve as a reminder of our little angel baby. Miscarriage is a very hard experience to go through. I never imagined it would be as difficult as it actually is. People just don't talk about it I guess. After our loss, it took about a month for me to move on and start feeling like my self again. It isn't something that you just forget about though. That child was a part of us...if even for only a few short months.


This is the only picture we have of our little angel. We had the ultrasound just a few days before our miscarriage. In this picture everything seems great. I know it's hard to see, but you can see
the little head and spine and even the arms and legs.

I found this poem shortly after we lost our baby. I wrote a blog on myspace and attached this to it. It really describes the true feelings someone goes through when they lose a child....even one they haven't met.

OUR BABY

An empty space where life once stirred
My eyes were not yet seeing
Where once my heartbeat shared a tone
with a small and fragile being
So scarcely formed yet still a life
A dream, a hope, a promise
Our plans were changed to now include
This new life thrust upon us
Then just as quickly as it came
Our dreams were gone away
The deepest pain I've ever felt
Our baby died today
With footprints left upon our hearts
She gently took her leave
We're left with nothing but regret
And only time to grieve
There was no service to be held
No mourning time required
No songs of longing and despair
No words to be inspired
We're simply told to bare the pain
"It's nature's way" they say
I can't forget our baby moved
inside me yesterday
And with each word of sorrow
my teardrops fall like rain
The anger and resentment
are mixed with guilt and pain
I look to heaven for a sign
to help search out a course
Where love can teach acceptance
and eliminate remorse
My body will accept the truth
that now our baby's gone
But in our hearts our Angel
everlastingly lives on!

~Teri M. Stuckmann